Guid auld Rabbie

I had to put this poem here, because this is something many of my friends back home would never have the opportunity to hear and appreciate if not distributed among them.

"Tae a Fert"

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie.
Lurks in yer belly efter a feastie.
Just as you sit doon among yer kin,
There starts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas,
Stert workin like a gentle breeze.
But soon the puddin' wi the sauncie face,
Will have you blawin all over the place.

Nae matter whit ye try tae dae,
A'bodys gonnae have to pay.
Even if ye try to stifle,
It's like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair,
Tae try and stp the leakin' air.
Shift yersel frae cheek to cheek,
Pray tae God it doesnae reek.

But aw yer efforts go assunder,
Oot it comes - a clap o' thunder.
Ricochets around the room,
Michty me, a sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks,
Hope I huvnae pooed ma breeks!
Tae the loo I better scurry,
Aw who cares, its no ma worry.

A'body roon about me chokin,
Wan or two are nearly bokin.
I'll feel better for a while,
Cannae help but raise a smile.

"Wis him!" I shout with accusin glower,
Alas too late, he's just keeled ower!
"Ye dirty thing!" they shout and stare,
I don't feel welcome any mair.

Where ere you go let yer wind gang free,
Sounds like just the job fur me.
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party,
Ower the sake o' wan wee ferty!!